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Love As a Commitment, Not a Feeling
I was brought up believing that love is a feeling, not a choice. You have to love your family, and one day the nature of the world will force you to fall in love with somebody special. No choice about it.
I always found something dark in trying to analyze love, but that’s only because I didn’t understand it. I thought that I needed to give in to every call. If somebody is nice to you, you should love them. If somebody says they love you, you should love them. Love can be a tool to get what you want, as I learned from so many people around me.
And that means “love” can also be used as a tool against you.
I first heard Nate say on Six Feet Under that “Love isn’t something you feel, it’s something you do.”
He’s right.
There are members of my family I don’t actively love, and it’s hard to explore those relationships. I feel a sense of obligation to feel love because people say it to me. But some of those people weren’t very nice to me. They didn’t fulfill their obligations as family members. I don’t choose to love them, but I also never chose not to love them. I think that’s an important distinction.
I commit to loving each day. Sometimes I need to remember that love is a choice so I can check in and realize where I need to pick up the slack. It is worth it to make that choice sometimes.
