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Terrible Relationship Lessons We All Learn
We have so few opportunities to learn about relationships from people who actually know what they’re talking about. Unless we go to therapy or counseling, we are more likely to pick up on relationship lessons from TV, music, movies, and our families.
Unfortunately, that means we are exposed to some pretty terrible lessons about love and relationships. I grew up with parents who had five divorces between them and with the idea that Ross and Rachel were the most romantic couple in the world. Toxicity was passion. Those relationships were things we should aspire to.
Clearly, I had a lot to learn as an adult. Maybe most of us do. These are the terrible patterns I had to fix.
Lesson 1: I Had to Fix Everything
In my earliest relationships, I thought the responsibility to fix my partner’s emotional distress fell on my shoudlers. I let their resentment and emotional neediness eat at me to the point that I would feel guilty if I wasn’t able to fix the problem. I would especially feel guilty if the problem was poorly communicated (or perhaps never communicated at all).
We should all take responsibility for our own feelings. Nobody else is responsible for my happiness, and I am not responsible for theirs. When we learn to clearly communicate our needs, we can…
