Member-only story
You Deserve to Take Up Space
Have you ever apologized for simply existing? For standing, walking, turning a corner? For making somebody consider you?
I have. All of the above.
Living alone for the first time in my life this year has given me a lot of time to think about my interactions with the world around me. I think about how comfortable I feel at home, how comfortable I feel in my own space. Not having to apologize for making a mess or not putting something away. Not having to make excuses for why I don’t feel like making dinner.
This is the first time I feel like I have complete control over my life.
It’s the first time I feel the power to take up space.
Since I was a little girl, my house was full of consequences. Make too much noise? Consequence. Remind parent that you exist and are a child who has needs? Consequence. Cry because you are forced to walk on egg shells day in and day out? Consequence. I learned that the only way to get through social interaction was to be as quiet and small as possible and then escape the first chance you got.
Taking up space was not allowed.
When I was a kid, I built hyper awareness as a coping mechanism. I would freeze in fear when I accidentally made too much noise. I would be very aware of who else was in the house before I…
